brand new

 I've always considered myself a "Christian". I was raised mostly going to church. But I don't think I ever felt the Holy Spirit back in those days. I went because my friends were there and it was a way to get out of my house for a little while. When I was old enough to make the decision whether to go or not, I chose not. Then I had Sophie. And I realized that she was a gift. No matter what the circumstances of her conception and birth, I knew that she was meant to be here. I was chosen to be her mother. And I knew there was a greater purpose to this life. I began to go to church again and felt the Holy Spirit moving in my life. I claimed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and was baptized. It was such a good feeling and I continued to go to church faithfully and even tried to get involved in certain things. The church that I went to at the time was awesome. Except it was so big and I was alone (without a spouse or significant other) and it was hard for me to put myself out there and get involved. I tried but just never felt like I fit in. It was not anyones fault, I guess it just wasn't the right timing for me. 
Fast forward many years. I met Josh. We were married. He adopted Sophie as his own. We had two other children. We've moved and moved again. I'm leaving out lots of things and feelings but I just want to get to the point of where I am now. I am in love and I feel brand new. I've never felt the closeness with my Father as I do right now. I feel brand new! We have gotten involved in a wonderful church here and have joined a discipleship group. I never knew what a great thing it was to be involved in a group. I realize a lot of things that I thought I knew about Jesus that I don't really know. I've never in my life sat down and read my bible like I am now. Studying it. Embracing it. Just being in the Word is so powerful. I look to my husband and I am so thankful for him. I'm so grateful for his knowledge about a lot of things in the bible that I just don't know. Grateful that he doesn't judge me when I ask him questions that you would think a grown woman, raised going to church and in a Christian private school, should know. There is no judgement from him and I am so lucky that I have him on this journey. I love telling our children that we're heading to church and watching the excitement they have. Right now it's just about playing and being with friends but they are soaking it in. Sophie is getting more comfortable with being involved in her youth group and she has been saved and on her way to baptism. I feel like a child again whose faith is so simple and believed with no questions asked. I want to know Him intimately. I want His light to shine through me so others may see and claim Him as their Savior. I long to be bold in the truth. 
I am literally crying as I right this because I am so grateful. I am thankful for every morning that He gives me to learn and grow in Him. I pray for the courage to step out in my faith and show others His love. I want to be obedient to Him in every way. 


 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; in all your ways ACKNOWLEDGE Him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5-6